Saturday, June 22, 2013


Things around here have been pretty quiet lately. I'm not sure I can put into words what I feel, but I will certainly try.
When I first started this blog, I wanted it to be a journal of sorts. I wanted to document Madi and her milestones, our relationship, and our adventures as she grows up. But slowly but surely, I feel like my relationship with this blog has morphed into something very different. I am an avid follower of many blogger mama's and I love reading their stories. Some of them post everyday, if not every other day. I started posting at least two times a week. Then it got a little higher, but then I would - to say it simply- run out of things to say. I find myself searching for topics to write about here, when all I should really be doing is enjoying moments and blogging when I WANT to. I'm afraid that I've fallen away from the true purpose of starting this blog. I know a lot of Mom's nowadays struggle with this. Instead of enjoying time with your kids, you worry about taking the perfect picture, or capturing what's going on, instead of actually *being there* yourself. Keeping up a blog is time consuming and does require thought to keep up. I'm just not sure if "keeping up" is what I should be worrying about. It all sort of seems irrelevant that I'm trying to generate posts for others to read when the real purpose in the beginning was to keep this for myself and my daughter.
I have toyed with the notion of going completely private. If I do that, only people specifically invited will be able to see my blog (and blog posts). I think that maybe if I go private, I can get back to what I originally wanted to do here: journal. Also, I find myself sheilding what I post and what I say because vitually anyone can read my material. If you search "Madi and Me" on Google, my daughter shows up. While I know that pictures I post on the internet can be seen by anyone (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc) I feel like I'm spending a lot of time being vague about where we are and what we're doing. Instead of saying, "We're at her favorite park {insert name here}" I say, "She loves going to the park." It's just not as intimate, because I have a fear of oversharing when the wrong people could be reading. I feel like maybe going private will allow me to still write, share with family and friends, and I can be as open and honest as I want to.
Because I want my daughter to be able to read this later in life and laugh and smile at the things I write, I don't feel like I should censor what I say and share.
I'm not sure if any of the things said above remotely make sense. It's something I'm struggling with and feel like I should share. I haven't made a decision yet. Just contemplating my next move.
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