Saturday, May 18, 2013

Words From A Toddler Mom

On the way home today, as I was talking to Madi, I realized something. There are some things that I say to her, on a daily basis, that I probably wouldn't have thought I would ever have to say prior to becoming a parent. Some of them are hilarious, if you take yourself out of the moment and just think about it. Having a toddler is a wild ride, but usually, it's downright funny.
Here are a few things that I find myself telling Madi...
Don't take your pants off in public.
You shouldn't eat things off of the ground. (!!)
You have to eat REAL food before you can have a treat.
I want you to water the plants, not your clothes.
No, you can't have a cookie for breakfast.
Don't punch the dog in the face. Be nice.
Please don't throw things at Mommy while she's driving.
Quit picking your nose.
Use your spoon, not your fingers.
Please keep your clothes on.
Don't stick that in the Blu-Ray player.
I want the bath water to stay in the bathtub.
Don't spray me with the water hose! -- too late.
You need to say it nicely.
Please don't throw my phone. It will break.
You need to watch where you're walking.
You're a big girl. You can do it by yourself.
Brush your teeth. Sucking on the toothbrush doesn't do the job.
Don't pour your food out on the floor.
Are you sure you want to watch Dora? :( How about something else?
Help me clean up your room.
You can't lay on top of Brody. Don't take toys from Brody. You have to be nice to Brody. Don't lick Brody!
If you chug that chocolate milk, it'll  make your belly hurt.
I really don't want to hold your hand after you pick your nose.
Eat your food.
Please, eat?
Why do you try to eat the bubbles in your bath? Yuck.
If you take a good nap, we'll go play afterwards. Lay down.
You have to hold on when you're swinging!
I can't understand you when you have your fingers in your mouth.
You shouldn't throw sand.
No one wants to see your naked butt.
EVERYONE sleeps. I promise I'm not making you do this every night to be mean.
Please stay away from the pool.
Puppies don't eat sticks and rocks.
No candy for breakfast! (literally say this every morning)
Sometimes these situations can be stressful and repeating these things can feel futile. But hey, I remember my Mom complaining that I was like talking to a brick wall. So, I guess it's just payback. But really, reading through this makes me laugh, even though I've said several of these just today. While working in the garden, she turned the hose toward the wind and got me soaking wet. The water was freezing so I had no breath to tell her to turn it off. Needless to say, she thought it was hilarious when the wind died down and she saw me dripping. ;) Toddlers are work, but they sure keep you on your toes!
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