Friday, August 31, 2012

Dear Madi

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to say in this letter. There’s so many emotions that I have, and I know I won’t be able to get them all out at once, but I’ll try. When I found out I was pregnant with you, it came as a shock. I didn’t really know what I was going to do. I mean, I was young (and still am). But it didn’t take me long to figure out that your life was my responsibility and I was hell-bent to make your life as good as I possibly could. I did what I needed to do to make sure that I was on the right track. I refused to be a drop-out living in Grangerland the rest of my life, watching you have to struggle because of my bad decisions. I REFUSED. I still do. I always get questions like “how did you do it?” and I always tell them that I have a good motivator. That’s you. I was ambitious before you came a long but I’m 10x better, in every way, since I had you.
Its cliché but the day you were born, my life started. I’m not talking about the life of never getting to see my friends, or party, or anything like that. I never did that stuff before you and I didn’t have any desire to do it after I had you. I’m talking about the life that I had always wanted. Everything was so much brighter and looked more promising. I never imagined my life playing out the way it did, but now, I couldn’t imagine it any other way. You are my soul, in every way. You’re smart, friendly, kind, loving, and beautiful. You impress me more and more every single day. It’s amazing how much you learn from week to week, and gradually as the days pass, you’re starting to talk even better than the day before. I mean, you can talk in sentences! Even though you’ve been talking well for a while, it STILL blows my mind. Sometimes I sit and just listen to you talk as you’re playing and just have a moment of “omg, shes’ growing up too fast!” I remember sitting and holding you when you were a couple of months old wondering what your voice would sound like, or what your first word would be. Look at you now!
I know this probably goes without saying, but you’re surrounded by so much love. Your Mimi and I always said, “you know, it’s a shame this baby doesn’t have anyone to love her.” Everywhere you go, there’s family and friends who are over the moon about you. Even your teachers at daycare are in love with you. Ms. Briann at daycare said “I love you, Madi!” as we were leaving the other day and you turned around and said “I luh you too!” I thought she was going to melt onto the floor. Your Daddy is wrapped around your finger, just like your Mimi. Papaw would do anything for you. He pretty much sits at your feet. Nonna looks at you like you’re her world. Granny and Pawpaw believe that you’re the smartest, most beautiful, girl on this side of the county. You are just so loved.
I always write you letters, probably about 10 per month, lol. But I want to document your childhood, partly because mine wasn’t (cough cough… MOM), but also so you have something to look back on and read. I hope that you will cherish these letters and the albums that I spend hours on. I know that I will. Every now and then, I look back and read your journal and ooh and aah about the different things I’ve written down. Like how you smiled for the first time, or said your first word (which was Mama, no matter what Daddy says!) It’s all passed so quickly but these letters are a way to hold onto those moments for a little longer.
Baby, I love you so much and you’re my entire world. I hope that you know how loved you are, not only by your parents but from everyone else you are surrounded by as well. I hope that if you’re lonely, you can read these letters and know that no matter what, you’re not alone. I hope that I’ve conveyed how much you mean to me and I will continue trying, no matter your age. I love you. Happy Birthday.

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